Messy Motherhood 06: Embracing the Mess When Vacationing with Kids

10 Year Anniversary Trip Recap

To celebrate their 10 Year Anniversary, Stephanie and Alex decided to take a family trip to the Outer Banks, which is on the coast of North Carolina. They stayed at the northern part, up near Corolla, which is where the wild ponies can be found. Between the wild ponies and driving on the beach in order to get to their Airbnb, this was quite the unique experience! Each day they took the chance to explore the coast from Corolla all the way down to Cape Hatteras and Ocracoke Island. Their goal for this trip was to be able to see the five lighthouses in the Outer Banks, explore all the fun little beach towns, and to do things that they never really have done before – and every single goal was accomplished! It was truly an incredible trip and if you want to know more and get a complete breakdown of their trip, check out Stephanie’s blog that shares their itinerary and recommendations, here.

It’s Not a Family Vacation Without Hard Moments

While that was a very brief recap of their incredible family vacation, it would be a disservice to only share the highlights of the trip. Stephanie shared a lot about the highlights of their trip on her Instagram as well, but let’s be honest here – there were a lot of wonderful and amazing moments throughout the trip, but there were also hard and challenging moments as well. Behind every picture perfect family trip, there’s a lot of chaos and high emotions that are being covered by a band-aid of coffee and good intentions. 

Head Into A Family Trip With The Right Perspective

There’s been a trend on social media where people say that it’s not a vacation if you take your kids, it’s just a trip. The term vacation should be reserved for when it’s just you and your spouse. Stephanie highly disagrees with this statement because a trip with your kids IS still a vacation. She doesn’t need a vacation from her kids, what she needs a vacation from is the overwhelm of everyday life. She needs a vacation to release her mind from the overwhelm of everything that she feels like she needs to do, so that she can just sit and be present and enjoy her family while they are all doing something new and fun. A trip with your kids and a trip without your kids are two totally different scenarios, but they are both still a vacation, it just looks a little different. A big part of this is the perspective you have when heading into the trip. If you head into a family vacation with the headspace that it’s not a vacation and that there’s going to be problems, then you’re setting yourself up for a lot more stress. But if you head into the trip with the thought that it is a family vacation and that you’re excited to spend one on one time with your kids, and really be able to focus on just being present with your family, no matter what else you’re doing, then you’re going to have a better mindset for the entirely of the trip. 

What’s a Good Age to Start Traveling With Kids?

One of the first questions that Stephanie received when opening up a question box for the episode on her Instagram was, what’s a good age to start traveling with your kids? For Stephanie and Alex personally, they have been traveling with their kids basically since the day they were born. Both Stephanie and Alex love traveling and they knew that this was something they would want to do with their kids too so that they could make these memories together. While they won’t remember every trip they’ve ever taken as kids, that’s okay, we don’t always remember every detail of every trip we’ve taken as adults either. To answer the question though, there’s not a magic age to start doing this. Every age has its own complications when you’re traveling with kids. It’s more dependent on you and when you feel ready to go for it – but if you wait until you’re ready, then you’ll never be ready. Stephanie’s biggest piece of advice is to plan a fun trip that you’re really excited about! Start small, maybe do a trip that’s only a couple hours away, and then go for it! If you’re still debating whether it’s worth it or not, here’s a piece of encouragement. You never really know what’s going to be impactful for your kids, what details they’re going to remember or what big thing will influence them in their life. Just because something may seem insignificant to us as adults, doesn’t mean it won’t impact them as kids. Start going places that you and your spouse want to go and give your kids the opportunity to figure it out and see what is meaningful to them and what kind of adventures they enjoy. 

The Reality of Vacationing With Kids

Social media has given us all fake expectations of what real life and family vacations look like so let’s talk about the reality of Stephanie and her family’s vacation to the Outer Banks. On this trip, Graham was taken out of a donut shop screaming and crying because he didn’t get his way, Alex and Stephanie fought because tensions were high, Stephanie got frustrated because special moments didn’t work out the way she hoped them to be – the biggest being the moment Alex and her would share their wedding vows to each other – and frustration and stress from things not working out or not being able to see everything. 

Each year, for their wedding anniversary, Stephanie and Alex read their vows to each other. This year they had a great idea to go to this restaurant they went to when they were dating, and then go out to Jokey’s Ridge at sunset to read their vows to each other. Unfortunately when they got there and set up, the ranger came and told them that they were closing the park. So, on the last day on their way out of town, they stopped again to fly kites one more time and share their vows. This happened to be during the hottest part of the day and the sand was boiling hot. Needless to say, the kids were not having it, everyone was sweating, and it just wasn’t great. They did end up sharing their vows, but it was definitely more of a “get it done” kind of moment rather than this big and special love moment that Stephanie envisioned. While it was messy and not what she had hoped, it was still perfectly imperfect. 

The Best Moments Are The Unexpected Ones

The day they had planned to visit Ocracoke Island also didn’t go quite as planned. By the time they had gotten to the island all the shops were closing up and there really isn’t much else to do on this island so they felt really bummed and frustrated, but they ended up making the most of it. They went to visit the lighthouse, walked around the docks, got dinner from a great spot, and just walked around. With time left to spare, they ended up taking the boys to the beach and what they thought was a missed opportunity, ended up being their favorite day of the entire trip. It was one of those moments when you knew that it was going to be a core memory and you wanted to bottle up the moment and save it for the rest of your life. This was their night on Ocracoke Island as the kids laughed and played with each other, with this beautiful cotton candy sky, and they were all chasing each other without a care in the world. Sometimes when you think things are falling apart, all of a sudden, what you weren’t expecting and what you weren’t planning turned out better than what you could have planned all along.

Leave Space in Your Schedule

It’s okay to create a plan and have a tentative list of things you want to do while on vacation, but don’t forget to welcome those new experiences and allow your family to go off the list and try something new. If you’re passing a restaurant and you notice that it’s always busy, then stop and give it a try! Who cares about the other places on your list that you read about if you can visually see that this place is the one that’s constantly busy. Another thing Stephanie loves to do is ask the locals what’s good or what they should check out in the area. Allowing the unexpected sometimes leads to the best and most incredible moments of the trip! 

Minimizing Stress On Vacations 

There can be a lot of stress when vacationing with kids but here are some things that Stephanie and Alex do to try and minimize it. One big thing they have tried to embrace is saying yes as much as possible, within reason and to an extent of course. Graham really wanted to be held a lot on this trip and there were definitely times that it was really hot and Stephanie tried to get him to walk instead and Graham let them know that he didn’t like that option. So, in that moment, Stephanie and Alex said yes and they took turns holding him and that was really helpful. If they boys would ask for lemonade for dinner, they would say yes to that. If they wanted to eat dinner on the deck? Yes, you can. Saying yes as much as they can is something Stephanie and Alex are embracing in their parenting whether at home or on vacation. 

Another thing that can help minimize stress is being open to change in plans and knowing that things are going to get messy, but they might turn out better than expected if you lean into it! 

Something Stephanie and Alex really tried to focus on this trip was asking their kids what they wanted to do and try to incorporate something that they requested into the plans. So as they were driving through the Outer Banks, they would ask the boys to look around and see if there was anything that interested them. They saw a lot of putt-putt golf courses and so one day they incorporated that into their plans! This gave the boys an element of fun and validation that mom and dad really cared about what they had wanted to do too. Even if you give them the option between which activity to do first for the day, it can really make them feel included in their trip planning. 

Ahead of the trip, Stephanie and Alex would share pictures with the boys – pictures of the Airbnb, pictures of the Outer Banks and Jockey’s Ridge. They told them how they can fly kites there and how they would see all these different lighthouses while on this trip. Prepping them this way helps give them some sort of understanding going into the trip and what they’re going to do. It would help make the days more fun and manageable too because as they were getting ready for the day ahead, Stephanie could tell them exactly what they were going to see that day and the boys would have some sort of understanding or picture in their mind. 

Lastly, to help minimize stress with your kids on vacation, is to know how your family best operates. Stephanie and Alex love to keep a loose schedule. They don’t have super strict wake up times, nap times, or bedtimes. They’re more go with the flow and that has helped them minimize stress. On the flipside, if your family loves routine, stick to that! Keep in mind what your kids can handle and operate out of that! No matter if you're a routine person or go with the flow people, a lot of vacationing with kids is going with the flow to an extent and reading your kids, yourself, and your spouse and being able to take in account of how everyone is doing and what the best next move for everybody is. 

Creating Special Moments On Vacation

Alex and Stephanie love to make their vacations with their kids extra special in a bunch of little ways. This does require some preparation ahead of time but it doesn’t have to be big or fancy, and it definitely doesn’t have to be expensive. The biggest thing is maximizing the magic on those little moments. This looks like putting a stuffed animal in their seat as you’re getting the car ready to go – if you’re going to the beach, find a beach themed stuffy. If you’re going to Disney, put a Disney character stuffed animal there. This will give them a surprise and get them excited for the trip! Another idea is to decorate their door at the hotel or the Airbnb. This can be done ahead of time with some poster boards and stickers! You can also make trip tickets! This is something that Stephanie has done for a lot of trips they took. Basically when the boys would ask what they were doing that day, Stephanie would give them a trip ticket to get into the car and go on their next adventure. These can be made easily on Canva by searching “movie ticket templates”! Another fun thing you can do is have fun shirts planned for each day! This doesn’t have to be super extravagant but it can be as easy as picking a shirt with a red lighthouse on it to wear the day you see the red lighthouse, etc. These special moments definitely require some planning ahead of time, but it’s always worth it in the end. 

Screen Time on Vacation

There are no medals when it comes to screen time in the car with your kids. You don’t get a medal if you do and you don’t get a medal if you don’t. You have to do what works best for you and your family. For Stephanie and Alex, they tend to reserve screen time for the drive home from their trip. They have a bunch of stuff in their car baskets that they like to play with – check out everything Stephanie includes in their car baskets here – and they have books, puzzles, stuffed animals, cars, and toys like that. 

Another thing you can do to help keep them busy but also prepare for the trip ahead is to go to the Library before your trip and grab a bunch of books that focus on wherever you’re going. So for Stephanie she could have gotten books on the Outer Banks, lighthouses, beaches, or the wild ponies they say. If you’re going to the mountains you could do books on mountains, bears, or other wildlife. This again helps them get excited for the trip and prepares them for what they can expect to see. 

Lastly, an alternative to screen time is listening to storybooks. Whether you have a Yodo player or a Tonies box,  or you could even look up videos on YouTube, these stories are really helpful to pass the time in the car. 

Sleep… or the lack there of… on Vacation

Sleeping when on vacation never really goes as great as when you’re at home. Stephanie usually wakes up a lot earlier when on vacation, and with a lot of late nights, it’s a recipe for a lack of sleep. The best thing for them is that they have the perspective and mindset that “there’s coffee for that!’ If it was an extremely difficult night, then they may take turns taking naps or trying to nap when the boys do too. It’s mostly having open conversations with your spouse and trying to get little moments of naps when you can. Something that can help with kids sleeping is to bring stuff from home that makes them feel comfortable. Stephaine always takes the boys’ pillows, a blanket, their monitor and their sound machine. Overall, expecting that everybody is going to have a terrible night’s sleep but knowing and hoping that it could be better than you think can create some really special moments. 

Don’t Forget To Have Fun

It’s okay to include downtime in your vacation and it’s okay to schedule activities that are going to be more fun for the adults than for the kids. You guys deserve to enjoy the vacation too and you don’t have to cater the entire vacation around visiting playgrounds, museums, and other things to cater to what your kids want to do. You’re in a new space and this vacation is for everyone. 

Today’s Takeaway / Goal

Start thinking about your next family trip and start thinking about ways that you can make things extra special for your kids or your spouse or even yourself! 

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