Messy Motherhood 02: Our Infertility Story: IVF, IUI, and the Unseen Struggles on the Road to Parenthood
- Stephanie Booe
- Jun 10
- 8 min read
Join Stephanie and Alex on the Yellow Submarine Sofa
For this episode, Stephanie is joined by her husband Alex on the yellow sofa! Alex is a man of God, who loves playing golf and building things, but most of all loves doing life with Stephanie and living the life that the Lord has given him. Alex and Stephanie got married in 2015, wanting to have a lot of kids, and so there really wasn’t a time when they weren’t trying to conceive. When it didn’t happen, they went to the gynecologist and were unfortunately met with “Groovy. Have a glass of wine, throw your legs up in the air, and have a good time!” – the most unhelpful advice. A full year went by and that’s when they realized that this may not happen for them the way they had initially planned.
Unexplained Infertility
Fast forward to 2018, Stephanie got a new gynecologist – one who experienced infertility herself – and they started doing tests. The thought of something more serious going on totally blindsighted Alex and Stephanie and the conversations surrounding all the different tests was overwhelming to say the least. During all the testing, Stephanie even tried medicated cycles with Clomid, which is supposed to help you speed up ovulation and eventually assist in getting pregnant. Clomid was intense and there’s a reason there’s a known side effect called the “Clomid crazies”. But even after the medicated cycles and all the testing, nothing worked and they were given the official diagnosis of unexplained infertility.
On an Island
The first time Stephanie and Alex heard the word infertility was really hard. They had never heard of it before and at the time, no one ever talked about it. They had felt like they were on an island, alone, left feeling hopeless because there was nothing they could do to fix it. There was a stigma around infertility, so it was really hard to navigate, process, and decide where to go from there. The doctor had provided pamphlets on IUIs and IVF – which of course was overwhelming to learn about because neither Stephanie or Alex knew what either options meant.
Season of Waiting – IUIs
IUIs – These are generally less invasive and are about a month long process. This is a medicated cycle where you take a trigger shot when you’re ovulating because they check your follicles to make sure they are maturing properly. Once they are fully matured, you take another trigger shot to release the egg. At this time, your spouse would have to provide a sample in a cup and the clinician would then wash the sperm – where they remove the less than optimal sperm – and insert the remaining, healthy sperm into your body.
For Stephanie and Alex, this process usually meant awkward and uncomfortable mornings. Unfortunately, Alex was not able to provide the sample at the clinic, so he’d do it at home, and they would have to transport the sperm-in-a-cup to the facility on their own. This meant that Stephanie would literally have to place the cup in-between her boobs to try and keep it warm while driving to the clinic. If the sperm got too cold, they could die, and the opportunity would have been lost – so you can imagine how stressful the drive was.
Once the transferring procedure was complete, you would have to wait two weeks to either get your period or see if you were pregnant and this waiting period was AWFUL. In Stephanie’s opinion, the IUIs were the worst part of their journey, and they did 5 of them in total. Statistically, the chance of pregnancy is supposed to increase after each one you do, but after each negative result they got, they just felt less optimistic and less hopeful.
Glimmer of Hope
During the third IUI, Stephanie had a delayed start to her period – which at this time was never late – and they started feeling hopeful! They thought that since it was their third one, they had a higher chance of it working out, but it wasn’t the case. And that was absolutely devastating. Stephanie felt numb and like a shell of herself when going through that heartbreak.
Full Time Job
When you realize that you’re standing still but everyone else is continuing to go, that’s really hard. There really wasn’t anyone that Alex or Stephanie knew that could truly understand what they were going through, so no one really could support them, and because of that their friendships did suffer. This process took over their calendar and entirely changed their lifestyle. They stopped hanging out with friends because they just didn’t have the time, the energy, or the extra financial ability to do so. Not to mention that people were expecting them to have kids or be pregnant at this time, so going out was a constant trigger by people asking them questions or even seeing others pregnant. So once again, Stephanie and Alex were on an island of two and that felt really lonely.
Internal Battle of IVF as Believers
From the moment the doctor presented IVF to Stephanie and Alex, it wasn’t an option. They wrote it off immediately and actively prayed against it. As believers, it was a really hard thing to unpack and determine how they felt about it. They seeked out advice from pastors, other people they trusted, they scoured the Bible to see what it said, but eventually, when they were praying about it, they felt a massive heart change and shift. Like God worked a really big shift in Stephanie’s heart and she then realized that this may have been His plan all along.
Now, this is a controversial conversation, and if you don’t agree with Stephanie and Alex, that’s okay! It’s a hard and difficult thing to wrestle with and it was extremely complicated for them as well, but please don’t stop reading here. Through IVF, Stephanie and Alex have been able to share their testimony and create a space for people who have gone through similar struggles and to provide encouragement and support. Through this, God has helped them use their voice to encourage others to pursue God and pull close to their own relationship with Him.
Financial Investment
To give you a rough estimate, IUIs are around three to four thousand dollars a month, every time you do it, but IVF is starting around twenty thousand dollars. That doesn’t include your medications, ultrasounds, or your doctor visits – and insurance doesn’t always cover it. You’re paying all this money for a chance, for hope, and there have been plenty of people who have done several rounds of IVF with no baby to show for – and Stephanie’s heart breaks for them.
The IVF Process
The first appointment was information overload. They were given a binder full of information to take home and it was a lot to process. For two weeks, Stephanie had shots in her belly to stimulate her ovaries to create a lot of eggs. She then went to a lot of appointments to make sure everything was responding appropriately and then you have your egg retrieval day. This day was hard. You go under anesthesia and they would “siphon out your eggs”. However, the amount collected doesn’t necessarily match the amount of embryos you end up with. That same day, Alex would provide a sample of sperm and they would then fertilize the eggs that they had matured. From that point, it was another waiting period. Days later, they would call to tell you the amount of eggs that were fertilized and growing. At the end of the process, they would rate the overall health of the embryo and its viability status and call to tell you what you end up with. Stephanie and Alex had chosen to then freeze their fifteen embryos to give Stephanie’s body time to recover from it all and also both of their minds and emotions to heal. This whole process laid out can look different from person to person, but this is their story and their specific situation.
About a month or so later, the day after Alex’s birthday, they went back to the clinic for their first embryo transfer. After eight days, Stephanie went in to get her blood drawn but the waiting period to get the results was driving her stir crazy so she decided now would be a good time to go get the car washed. While in line, her phone rang, and the clinic was calling. She pulled out of line, running over cones in the process, and pulled into a parking spot so that she could be told that she was indeed pregnant. Stephanie screamed and cried, and probably had a dance party, in her car all by herself. She then decided to put together a cute “toddler tool kit” to tell Alex the good news.
Miracle IVF Babies
Their first son, Aspen, was born in April of 2020. When he was a year old, Stephanie called her clinic and asked how soon they could try for round two. They started the process all over again that July and eight days later they found out that they were going to have baby number two! Their second son, Graham, was then born in March of 2022.
What About Foster Care or Adoption?
This is something that Stephanie and Alex did pray about for a while. There was consideration of adoption for a while too but it ultimately did not feel like the right path for them. The other consideration with Adoption is that it’s not just a choice you’re making for yourself. The choice you make will directly impact the child that you’re inviting into your family and home, so they wanted to be one hundred percent on board and prepared to do so, but at the time, they did not feel this way. It’s not totally off the table but it wasn’t something they felt God had planned for them at this time.
Future Embryo Transfers
At the time of this podcast, Aspen is five, Graham is three, and Stephanie and Alex do want more kids. They are still struggling with their diagnosis because for the last year and a half, they have tried to conceive naturally again. They’ve gone to see a holistic minded doctor, ran more in-depth testing, and everything came back inconclusive. Not getting an answer for the unexplained is really frustrating and a hard pill to swallow, but they now know that that wasn’t the path for them. Now, Stephanie and Alex are just waiting to feel the nudge from God that it’s the right time for the third embryo transfer.
Rooted in Faith
While this journey has not been easy, neither Stephanie or Alex would change it. It brought them a relationship with God that they never had before. Their faith has deepend in this experience and they had a tangible understanding of who God was and what his character is. This experience has shaped Stephanie into the person that she is and has given her this passion for advocacy for the infertility community and to seek out and support other people who have walked this same path.
You are NOT Alone
While in the thick of their journey, Stephanie and Alex wrote a children's book called, “You Were Worth the Wait” and it’s from the perspective of a parent in waiting. Be sure to check that out as well as other resources that can be found here.
Today’s tangible takeaway is to know that you are not alone. No matter what, reach out and there’s always someone there for you.
For the Men that Are Struggling
Alex ends this episode with sharing from his experience to the other men out there that are walking the same path. A common feeling for him that came up often was feeling like he was the problem or wanting to figure out how to fix it. It’s important to realize that it’s not up to just you, the two of you are a unit and you’re together in this journey together. Know that you’re perfect the way that God has made you to be and that it’s not up to you to have the answer. God is the solution. The best thing you can do is be there to support your spouse the best you can.
LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:
Keywords:
Infertility, Fertility Treatments, IVF, Pregnancy, Parenthood, Emotional Journey, Resilience, Hope, Intimacy, Faith, Medical Interventions, Financial Strain, Holistic Health, Egg Retrieval, Embryo Transfer, Spiritual Beliefs, Isolation, Stigma, Support, Relationships
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